New Bill of Rights

ARTICLE I:You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form ofwealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one isguaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II:You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based onfreedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leavethe room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the worldis full of idiots, and probably always will be...and like the rest of us youneed to simply deal with it.

ARTICLE III:You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriverin your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturerto make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the mostcharitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but weare quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation ofprofessional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation ofanother generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V:You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, butfrom the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public healthcare.

ARTICLE VI:You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap,rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest ofus want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII:You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you cheat orcoerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised ifthe rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you stillwon't have the right to a big screen color TV, pool tables, weight rooms, ora life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII:You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job,and will gladly help you along during hard times, but we expect you to takeadvantage of the opportunities of part time jobs, education and vocationaltraining laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE IX:You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that youhave the right to PURSUE happiness--which by the way, is a lot easier if youare unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those ofyou who were confused by the Bill of Rights.