Monday, June 30, 2008
Yes, I'm still talking about this
On Saturday, my parents decided to head to their fav vacation spot: Townsend, TN. They come up here all the time, and sometimes Lily and I join them. We are here now...not all together though. That is the problem. One of the main attractions here is tubing down the Little River, and apparently it takes hours to float from point A to point B (they're still not back yet). Lily really wanted to go tubing today, and I did too...I was actually excited about it until I put my swimsuit on. Something snapped in my brain, at the thought of parading around in front of (in my mind, hundreds of hot) strangers nearly naked. I got upset, and actually cried because I was embarrassed. I guess I had one of those "aha moments" that you read about in People Magazine's annual "Together, These Women Lost Over 400lbs" issue. They say, "I couldn't fit in the roller coaster seat", or something like that. I can fit in roller coaster seats, and am not (as Mom said) "as fat as some people" (thanks mom!)...but I was freaking out about being in public in my Miracle Suit. So, I didn't go. Oh well, maybe next year Lily.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Summertime....and the livin' isn't always easy
This has been (so far) one of the greatest summers of my life. I know its only June 20th, but I feel certain its only going to get better. Lily and I have really become buddies...I know that sounds weird, but I appreciate her so much more now. I am so thankful that I have her!
I read other blogs, where people have a lot to "report" and talk about...I don't really have very much going on. I decided recently that I was going to go blond. I was at church, looking at a mother and daughter (who used to be my neighbors, btw), and their hair is the same color! I don't know if that made me decide, or if I just needed a change...but I decided right then and there that I was going to go blond. Now, I'm not totally blond yet, or even half way blond. It takes time, you can't just bleach your whole head! Well, you can, but that's dangerous (not to mention, terrible for your hair). My friend I put a cap on my head, pulled out a bunch and threw some bleach on it. It is very pretty, and I think I'm going to enjoy being a blond! Plus, now Lily won't look adopted! hehe
I also got a puppy, who's actually a teenage doggie now. His name is Stanley (stupid Stanley Stephens), and I wuv hims. I even made him some chicken this morning! Talk about crazy...I guess I'm a "dog person" now. Stanley loves us and we love him. My parents even love him (although Mom would never admit it).
But there is a dark cloud hovering over my perfect summer...and its name is Ben Stephens. He just decided to stop being a dad. Twice Lily has said things to me like, "I don't feel like I have a dad...all my friends have dad's, except me". I even told Ben this...I struggled with that decision too, thinking that he would not believe me. Well, I told him and stupid me thought it would make him change. Not so. He said he "wanted to"...but wanting to and doing it are different. So, we didn't see him on Father's Day, and he spent his off day yesterday sleeping and taking his neighbor's 4 wheeler to the shop. He wanted to talk to Lily when he called yesterday, but she said "no, I don't want to talk to him". I totally lost it last night (while she was at VBS), and could stop crying. I wasn't sobbing uncontrollably or anything like that...but I just kept starting up, over and over. I just felt lonely, and distraught over Ben's behavior, and I sure didn't want to put all that on my 5 year old! So, I haven't talked to anyone (except one friend, who has enough problems without hearing mine) about this. Ya'll know I don't like conflict, so I think that's why I blog. I don't have to get opinions, or hear solutions, etc. And whoever said that bloggers aren't honest is wrong! :) I can be more honest on here than face to face...talking about this with friends makes me cry. I still feel lonely, but not as agonizingly lonely as I felt last night.
Anywaaaaaay...
I am going to go home and get ready to pick Lily up from our church's VBS (she's been going to our's in the am and my Mom's in the pm). The big dilemma is which ending party are we going to? Theirs offers horseback riding, campfire, and a hayride; ours is snacks, singing, and probably nothing as fun as theirs. I don't know what to do??? I feel like we should go to ours, b/c its our church...but Lily really wants to go to theirs. And I think my parents want her to go to theirs too...sigh
I can't get the text back to normal! I guess blond really does suit me ;)
I read other blogs, where people have a lot to "report" and talk about...I don't really have very much going on. I decided recently that I was going to go blond. I was at church, looking at a mother and daughter (who used to be my neighbors, btw), and their hair is the same color! I don't know if that made me decide, or if I just needed a change...but I decided right then and there that I was going to go blond. Now, I'm not totally blond yet, or even half way blond. It takes time, you can't just bleach your whole head! Well, you can, but that's dangerous (not to mention, terrible for your hair). My friend I put a cap on my head, pulled out a bunch and threw some bleach on it. It is very pretty, and I think I'm going to enjoy being a blond! Plus, now Lily won't look adopted! hehe
I also got a puppy, who's actually a teenage doggie now. His name is Stanley (stupid Stanley Stephens), and I wuv hims. I even made him some chicken this morning! Talk about crazy...I guess I'm a "dog person" now. Stanley loves us and we love him. My parents even love him (although Mom would never admit it).
But there is a dark cloud hovering over my perfect summer...and its name is Ben Stephens. He just decided to stop being a dad. Twice Lily has said things to me like, "I don't feel like I have a dad...all my friends have dad's, except me". I even told Ben this...I struggled with that decision too, thinking that he would not believe me. Well, I told him and stupid me thought it would make him change. Not so. He said he "wanted to"...but wanting to and doing it are different. So, we didn't see him on Father's Day, and he spent his off day yesterday sleeping and taking his neighbor's 4 wheeler to the shop. He wanted to talk to Lily when he called yesterday, but she said "no, I don't want to talk to him". I totally lost it last night (while she was at VBS), and could stop crying. I wasn't sobbing uncontrollably or anything like that...but I just kept starting up, over and over. I just felt lonely, and distraught over Ben's behavior, and I sure didn't want to put all that on my 5 year old! So, I haven't talked to anyone (except one friend, who has enough problems without hearing mine) about this. Ya'll know I don't like conflict, so I think that's why I blog. I don't have to get opinions, or hear solutions, etc. And whoever said that bloggers aren't honest is wrong! :) I can be more honest on here than face to face...talking about this with friends makes me cry. I still feel lonely, but not as agonizingly lonely as I felt last night.
Anywaaaaaay...
I am going to go home and get ready to pick Lily up from our church's VBS (she's been going to our's in the am and my Mom's in the pm). The big dilemma is which ending party are we going to? Theirs offers horseback riding, campfire, and a hayride; ours is snacks, singing, and probably nothing as fun as theirs. I don't know what to do??? I feel like we should go to ours, b/c its our church...but Lily really wants to go to theirs. And I think my parents want her to go to theirs too...sigh
I can't get the text back to normal! I guess blond really does suit me ;)
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