Why is it, when people get divorced, they can't get past their "history" and just do what's in the best interest of the child(ren) involved??? Is this the million dollar question, or what?!
Ben came to pick up Lily tonight...last night we "discussed" my wishes that she be home each Sunday to go to church. I guess we decided that she'll go to his house every Friday night and come home on Saturday. When I first said that I wanted her home for church, he got mad and said, "its in the papers that she's to stay with me until 6pm on Sunday nights [the oh-holy-papers DO say that, but they don't say she has to go every other weekend; only that if reasonable arrangements can't be agreed upon, she will be with him "at least" every other weekend]. What I still can't get over is that he actually had the gall - after being unemployed for nearly 3 months and being 3 child support payments behind - to bring up the papers. In all this time, I haven't once said to him, "Ben, you know it says in the papers that you're supposed to carry insurance on Lily" or "Ben, the papers say that you're supposed to pay me support". I haven't even brought up the damn papers. Yes, I have taken every (single) opportunity to make him feel bad about quitting his job (he still says he had no choice, but no one put a gun to his head and made him quit); but I have never - not ONCE - ever mentioned the possible legal ramifications of him quitting his job.
So, I called him back last night and asked him - nicely - why he was so quick to bring up the papers. He wouldn't talk about it. So I told him we'd talk about it today; and we did. He didn't like that either, and to make a already too long story short said that he was going to make sure my child support would go through the state so I would only get the bare minimum. Nice huh? I am so mad right now that I can't really even think straight.
I really hate him. God help me, I know I'm not supposed to hate him, but I can't help it right now...so cut me some slack.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Have I Finally Learned???
Lately, I have been let down a lot. I guess I should say in the past year I've been let down a lot. And it doesn't seem to be letting up.
Mostly, its Ben these days. He quit his job, right after Xmas...that's a dumb thing to do when your ordered by the court to carry insurance on your kid. What's up with fathers these days? Its seems like the vast majority of them don't want to actually BE fathers. Ok, I shouldn't say the majority, but I know several that should be drug out in the street and shot. How does one come to the conclusion that they are not going to support one's child? Or how does a person think its ok to quit a job, when they have financial obligations, without having another job lined up first? And then comes the lying about money...does he really not have the cash, or is he just turning into a big, fat, LOSER?
For some reason, this is not helping me feel better or answering any of my questions.
SIGH
I made a resolution last Thursday [after I nearly had a mental breakdown]: I am not going to be Ben's friend anymore. Why would I want to be his friend in the first place; you ask? Well, I thought it would be a good thing for me and him to be friends, "for Lily's sake". WRONG. Being friends with your ex-husband allows him to continue to take advantage of you...he's gonna keep on lying to you, just like he did when you were married. Friends will let things slide that non-friends wouldn't. Also, friends lie to each other. I have no reason to lie to Ben...there's no need for me to fudge on how much money I make, or what my bills are. No reason to say I'll be available, when I won't be. Sometimes I think he does it on purpose, just to piss me off. But then I think, "no, he's just unbelievably selfish". And for some reason, I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that he is never going to stop letting me down. He's never going to step up and be a man, or ever act like a real dad should. He's going to live his life never changing, never growing, and continually losing the people that he loves b/c of his selfishness. But I'm serious this time. I think I finally get it; I'm better off without him, and he'll never live up to my expectations (which, BTW are NOT unreasonably high). Let this be a lesson to other women in my shoes...they're NEVER going to change. Once a lying, cheating, absentee father; always a lying, cheating, absentee father. And all you can do is the best you can with your kid, and continue to question and beat yourself up wondering WHY did I marry him? But I can say without a doubt, that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat to have Lily. I guess that's the pearl in this oyster, that is single parenting.
Mostly, its Ben these days. He quit his job, right after Xmas...that's a dumb thing to do when your ordered by the court to carry insurance on your kid. What's up with fathers these days? Its seems like the vast majority of them don't want to actually BE fathers. Ok, I shouldn't say the majority, but I know several that should be drug out in the street and shot. How does one come to the conclusion that they are not going to support one's child? Or how does a person think its ok to quit a job, when they have financial obligations, without having another job lined up first? And then comes the lying about money...does he really not have the cash, or is he just turning into a big, fat, LOSER?
For some reason, this is not helping me feel better or answering any of my questions.
SIGH
I made a resolution last Thursday [after I nearly had a mental breakdown]: I am not going to be Ben's friend anymore. Why would I want to be his friend in the first place; you ask? Well, I thought it would be a good thing for me and him to be friends, "for Lily's sake". WRONG. Being friends with your ex-husband allows him to continue to take advantage of you...he's gonna keep on lying to you, just like he did when you were married. Friends will let things slide that non-friends wouldn't. Also, friends lie to each other. I have no reason to lie to Ben...there's no need for me to fudge on how much money I make, or what my bills are. No reason to say I'll be available, when I won't be. Sometimes I think he does it on purpose, just to piss me off. But then I think, "no, he's just unbelievably selfish". And for some reason, I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that he is never going to stop letting me down. He's never going to step up and be a man, or ever act like a real dad should. He's going to live his life never changing, never growing, and continually losing the people that he loves b/c of his selfishness. But I'm serious this time. I think I finally get it; I'm better off without him, and he'll never live up to my expectations (which, BTW are NOT unreasonably high). Let this be a lesson to other women in my shoes...they're NEVER going to change. Once a lying, cheating, absentee father; always a lying, cheating, absentee father. And all you can do is the best you can with your kid, and continue to question and beat yourself up wondering WHY did I marry him? But I can say without a doubt, that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat to have Lily. I guess that's the pearl in this oyster, that is single parenting.
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