A Blog About Nothing

Should I change my name to Jerry? I've realized lately that I don't blog about anything important...or even anything that people want to read. I read some blogs where the author may as well list what all they did that day by bullets, or make an outline. I always said I didn't want my blog to be like that. So I've tried to make it interesting, funny. I want to say things in my blog that I would really say, in real life. Not a bunch of fluff that no one would believe. Like how happy I am, and how easy my life is. I'm not always happy, not even every day...and my life is anything but easy.

Tonight is the "Grand Illumination" in Chattanooga. I think the last time I went to that was right before I found out I was pregnant with Lily...so that was a while ago. This is Ben's weekend, and so I assumed that he would be picking her up today before we leave for Chattanooga. Well, I called to ask him when he would be here and mentioned the Grand Illumination tonight. He invited himself to come. I don't mind him coming, we do lots of things as a "family" (me, him, and Lily), but I think its weird that he just assumed he was coming. I'm actually glad he's coming. I hate the idea of the holidays...getting out the decorations we picked out, putting them on the tree we bought, having to share Lily on Christmas. It somehow makes it easier for my mind to handle if I know that he's willing to spend time with us. But why should I care if he spends time with us? I should be concerned about him spending time with Lily. But for some reason, I have it in my head that he should meet a quota of "family" activities: me, him, and Lily...together. I wonder if this time of year is hard on him too...I can't even think about putting up the tree without picturing us in our great room having hot cocoa or a glass of wine, admiring the tree we just decorated after Lily went to bed. I've never said that before...this is a first for me. I think that one day I'll get over that...and stop remembering.
Well, this blog has gone to that uncomfortable place that people don't want to know about. But I'm proud of this post because its real. These are all real things that I would say. I recently read that people should have a diary, not a blog...because you can't be honest on a blog. You wouldn't want to bare your soul online, even for people you know to read. I agree that you don't want to be honest on a blog...why would you want all your friends to know how you really feel? Its easier to just let them think that your life is perfect, and you are happy and blessed, blah blah blah. I am happy and blessed, but I don't always feel that way. But just as I think that people don't always want to hear about how "perfect" my life is, they don't want to be overloaded with how imperfect it is. So, maybe next time I'll have some "perfect" material.